Attention Blue Jay fans. We need to talk.
Oct. 5th, 2016 03:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snowywolfowlYes. Yes we do. And we need to talk about beer.
Most of you know this but its really hard to drink a full can of beer after throwing it at the back of a Baltimore Oriole player's head while he's making an outfield catch. It's disrespectful to the men and women of the brewing company who made that beer, the truck drivers who transported it to the stadium, and the concession stand employees who took a day's pay for it.
Now most of the news focused on how close it came to the guys noggin, but not me. I focus on the important stuff on this blog. That beer lay there, its golden nectar pouring from its opened top into the outfield, and all I could see was disrespect and cowardice. At no point did the person who threw that beer attempt to retrieve it. Beer is sacred, Jays fans. If you throw a beer at a player than you should be immediately diving headfirst from the bleachers and joyously chugging that beverage as the opposing team, security and the police honour you with punches, pepper spray and the sweet song of a taser. To do anything less dishonours the sacred memory of all those whose alcohol fuelled accomplishments live on through story, song, and Youtube videos.
Turn in your man card, sir. Turn in your Canadianness. No, turn in your very liver itself for denying it the challenge of keeping you alive from acute alcohol poisoning.
Shame. Ye verily Shame.
*shakes head in solemn sadness at the grave dishonour done to the brew that is true*
Most of you know this but its really hard to drink a full can of beer after throwing it at the back of a Baltimore Oriole player's head while he's making an outfield catch. It's disrespectful to the men and women of the brewing company who made that beer, the truck drivers who transported it to the stadium, and the concession stand employees who took a day's pay for it.
Now most of the news focused on how close it came to the guys noggin, but not me. I focus on the important stuff on this blog. That beer lay there, its golden nectar pouring from its opened top into the outfield, and all I could see was disrespect and cowardice. At no point did the person who threw that beer attempt to retrieve it. Beer is sacred, Jays fans. If you throw a beer at a player than you should be immediately diving headfirst from the bleachers and joyously chugging that beverage as the opposing team, security and the police honour you with punches, pepper spray and the sweet song of a taser. To do anything less dishonours the sacred memory of all those whose alcohol fuelled accomplishments live on through story, song, and Youtube videos.
Turn in your man card, sir. Turn in your Canadianness. No, turn in your very liver itself for denying it the challenge of keeping you alive from acute alcohol poisoning.
Shame. Ye verily Shame.
*shakes head in solemn sadness at the grave dishonour done to the brew that is true*
