snowywolfowl: (Senators)
I have to confess that I used to think you were close to Satan incarnate but after body checking Justin Bieber into the boards during a celebrity hockey game this weekend I'm more than willing to reevaluate your career!

And for those who think this was unnecessary or brutal let me assure you Bieber got off light. If it had been a real game Pronger might have knocked him unconscious and then stomped on his leg. The guy had 8 suspensions and 1500 penalty minutes after all.
snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
I just read that US presidential candidate Scott Walker feels that a wall to secure the US border from Canadians is a good idea and I fully agree.

Building a wall to keep Canadians from invading the US stimulates both the US and Canadian economies (the US through the money they spend on construction and maintainence of a 5000+ mile defensive line against an ally, Canada's by making cross border shoppers feel unwelcome, making them spend their money here instead of in dangerous lawless border wastelands like Northern Michigan (where consumer goods are often attractively cheaper and the people are disarmingly nice), protects America from uniformed Canadian forces (like NORAD, NATO, and hockey players), and gives us Canadians a 'beyond the wall' badass street cred typically reserved for the Mongol hordes, Picts, Jutes, and Game of Thrones characters.

Most importantly when the Zombie Apocalypse breaks out it will slow down the escape of Americans into Canada, turning the northern states into a private buffet that we won't be invited to thereby giving us time to high tail it into the frozen tundra. And the best part?

Since there is no way in hell Canada will pay for it we get all these benefits for free!
snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
You know I really didn't mean to start an arms race of political craziness between the great nations of Canada and the United States. It all started so innocently enough with Rob Ford reminding the world that Canada is more than hockey, beer and the guys who gave the world insulin. The timing was perfect really. We were still a year away from our election and you guys didn't seem to have one going on at the time so we shared a good laugh, everyone had fun at Toronto's expense like a true Canadian, and it was all good. Canada was able to put the crazy distractions behind and focus on our own election, at which point Donald Trump announced he was running for president.

Yeah, talk about making it hard to watch the Canadian party leader debates but turn around was fair play. It was still all good, no hard feelings, and again we move on. Until today.

Yeah America. I apologize. I didn't realize that we just couldn't resist the urge to out crazy you again so please, please, I beg you. Hold back your wrath. Let the better rational angels of your nature rise above this the way I know you can!

Ah the hell with it. At the rate this tit for tat is going the North American continent is going to be one giant Salvador Dali picture. Lets just roll the tape on an actual Canadian election commercial.


snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
Ok Americans. I have a confession to make. When we gave the world Rob Ford it wasn't just an amusing view into Canadian political insanity. It was a challenge, a mic drop, a battle roar where we beat our chest, looked south of our border and said "See this America! You can take your predetermined presidential nominations and unending electoral cycle. We have a beloved leader who openly smokes crack. How are you going to top that, eh?"

Well you not only topped it, you have gone nuclear in the form of the bright orange mushroom cloud toupee of Donald Trump. I mean this is so overpowering it isn't even fair. You're not even in an election yet! How am I supposed to educate myself on the issues I will be voting for here in Canada when every time I sit down  to read up on them The Donald unleashes his wisdom on the world?

Please stop! I surrender! I surrender! I'll never doubt America's capacity of sheer insane political spectacle again! :-)
snowywolfowl: (Owl face)
Even though these horrific beasts have inspired the Walkers from the "Walking Dead" and the vicious creature in the "Alien" franchise the love and respect shown to this foul smelling psychotic rabies vector proves that the people of Toronto truly have both good hearts and soft heads. Heck, even I could get behind this kind gesture. Although I'd probably drive a stake through its heart first just to make sure it stays dead. Hey, have you seen "Elf"? You can't be too careful these days where Satan's Shi Tzu is concerned.

Here's the link to the BBC article about the makeshift memorial for the deceased:
snowywolfowl: (Phantom)
According to one of the weather stations I check it is apparently -5582.8 Celsius outside.

Yep that's right folks. Hell is freezing over and the Universe is starting to die from heat death!  Yay!

Oops. What I really meant to say was "how horrible". Yeah. That's what I meant. :-p
snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
Canadian Prison News!

Corrections Canada is putting out tenders for companies to provide federal inmates with gasoline, oil and fully functional chainsaws for vocational training inside their prisons. I fully support this. After all, what's the worse that could happen?

Luka Magnotta, best known for sending his boyfriend to various different locations (at the same time, and in various states of decomposition) has apparently set up a dating profile to find his prison "prince charming".  Something tells me he's over thinking the search a bit. From what I understand for people like him love finds you!

And in the most baffling move Canada's most infamous inmate Paul Bernardo is applying for what I can only call "Suicide by Parole Board" by requesting day passes to the Toronto area. All I can say is be very careful what you wish for Paul. In case you haven't noticed you're not exactly the most popular person in Scarborough. Heck you're the poster boy for the "Bring back the Noose" crowd in Canada and if you ever got released you might find all of them at your homecoming parade. That whole "Dangerous Offender" status thing just might work against you somehow.

Moving on to when Shakespeare said "Kill all the lawyers" I don't think he was talking literally. I also don't think he meant send pipe bombs to a law office in Winnipeg either. Here's hoping that poor woman recovers quickly and that they get this nutjob off the streets and into chainsaw training where he belongs.

And in the final bit of stupidity whoever is calling in bomb threats to Air Canada and Westjet planes in flight really needs to stop that. We only get about three months where we aren't imprisoned inside our own homes from all the snow on the ground. Smarten up and respect people's right to enjoy their vacation. The only fiery death a Canadian in summer should fear is when they light up the barbeque. Or as we call it, forest fire season.

Stay good and enjoy the Fourth all, if you celebrate it. :-)
snowywolfowl: (Owl face)
Disclaimer - No actual blood, disembowelment, decapitation or limb amputation shown in video. Also said video of Darwin Award Honourable Mention took place in Sweden, not Canada. Canadian copycats tentatively scheduled sometime in January 2016.

Link to "Holy Shit! What is wrong with this guy?" below:

Please tell me there is a psych eval in this man's future.
snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)

To the person you overheard George, tell them not to worry. Canada is NOT going to break away from the United States, at least not until Yellowstone erupts and covers North America in molten lava and hot, choking volcanic ash. They have no need to worry about us becoming the separate country we already are so they can just sit back and get ready to enjoy the mass extinction of the human race.

Cheers! :-)
snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
...and all I can say is best wishes on a full recovery. What can I say? I wouldn't wish an aggressive abdominal tumour on anyone, especially on someone who seems so desperate to maintain a grasp on the reins of power that he'd probably pull his undead corpse out of the grave and stagger his way to city hall to fill the council seat he's running for.

I know I like to think that I'm up on Canada's general rules for elections but I honestly don't know what the rules for a zombie holding office would be. Would we have to pass a new law, get the courts to rule on it, or just use his tenure while alive as precedence?  This inquiring mind wants to know! :-)
snowywolfowl: (Owl face)
Life has been very, well, let's just say its been hard lately. So since this made me laugh I'm sharing it.

It's pretty good animation to boot. Methinks someone may have a career here.

snowywolfowl: (Owl face)
[ profile] padawansguide posted a fun little music quiz so I decided to throw my own list into the fray. Due to the length of all this I've tossed it behind the cut:

Tuneage and Explanations: )
snowywolfowl: (Owl face)
I will not lie or sugar coat it. This has been an absolutely shitty winter that has played havoc on both my psyche and my knees. It's probably a pretty safe assumption that I'm not alone in this assessment so I figured I'd just post two things that brought a smile to my face today.

1. Backup goalie turns backup dancer. Sweet moves, especially since he's in almost full equipment, including goalie skates.

2. Uli Jon Roth playing "We'll Burn the Sky" live. I LOVE this type of stuff. Tasty bends, nice modal melodies, and impressive neo-classical runs executed with such a soft touch. Seriously, this is what I aim for when I fool around in my apartment.

*Sigh* So far away.

snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
So I haven't been on too much lately, not because I don't enjoy LJ but just because I've been rather blue lately. So this is more me forcing myself to say something, so here goes. Here's some odd things in the news up here in Canada and what my thoughts are on them. Feel free to skip if it doesn't sound too interesting:

1. Doug Ford (Rob Ford's brother) has been criticized by some of his fellow Toronto councillors for giving poor people in his ward $20 bills for Christmas. Unlike them I personally don't see this as vote buying per se, just an opportunity for Councillor Ford to show how trickle-down economics will work in Ontario if he does manage to become Premier of Ontario someday.

Personally as far as the Brothers Ford go this is nothing. Barely worth reporting, really.

2. Politicians calling members of the society they wish to lead "infidels" is sadly nothing new but never has it been done with such honest, heartfelt kindness and generosity of spirit. So  with that in mind Mr. Pallister, while I certainly can't speak for my fellow agnostic and atheist infidels out there I unconditionally accept the best wishes you gave and wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas with joy, cheer and all the trimmings.

Just two minor suggestions though. First, next time Mr. Pallister,  just go with the prepared statement. As an agnostic who doesn't want to risk offending anyone I find "Merry Christmas, everyone!" usually works pretty well, as well as "Seasons Greetings!" or "Happy Holidays!". Secondly, if you're not sure what someone believes in you can always ask them. Most Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Jains, Buddhists, Zoroastrians, Wiccans, Agnostics, and even Atheists I've been fortunate to meet and learn from have been quite happy to take the time to explain the exact version of nothing that they believe in. If you take the time you might even find something there that you can use to build the bridges you need to make people want to vote for you.

3. Now I know I pile on Prime Minister Stephen Harper every chance I get, and to be honest between the illegal voter suppression tactics, the use of massive bills that change hundreds of pieces of legislation in a single vote, the questionable purchasing decisions, the dodging non-confidence motions and his desire to send Canadian troops to invade Iraq, well, its so old it almost feels like a second job. Which I guess it will be when the election gets called since I can't in good conscience NOT work to punish voter suppression*. I just need to figure out which party I'll be using to vote against him.

But in the spirit of the holidays I do want to talk about something he does pretty well, and that's sing and play piano. No kidding or sarcasm here, the guy's not bad, especially when you goes for stuff like Neil Diamond and The Beatles. Personally I find he doesn't quite have the necessary "snarl" in his voice to pull off the Rolling Stones or the Who covers, but that's not a hack at his abilities. Lots of excellent singers can't cover certain artists. Now while I go look to see if he's covered any Bob Dylan here's him singing "With a Little Help from my Friends" with Yo-Yo Ma.

*It doesn't bother me that he made enough of a case to his backers that he finally won a majority government, its that someone who most likely had access to the Conservative Party's voter database bombarded people who were identified as likely non-Conservative voters with robo calls telling them that the location of their polling stations had been changed by Elections Canada, when Elections Canada had made no such changes. That is dirty, that is illegal, and that is something third rate dictatorships do. The vote is the one time the little nobodies of the nation, like me, get to have an actual and immediate impact on the running of the country, and no party that would take steps to deny that can have my vote.
snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)

I'm just glad the next time politicians in Canada decide to use the spector of drug abuse on the taxpayer's dime they can demonize someone other than unemployed welfare recepients.
snowywolfowl: (Owl face)
"The Simpons" opening couch gag has become one of those iconic television moments but this one might have outdone itself.  Well done, I say! Well done!

snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
I can't wait to see the mug shot but who is going to be the one to handcuff him? That's what I want to know! :-)

snowywolfowl: (Canadian Flag)
There are allegations that Toronto's mayor Rob Ford has been videotaped smoking crack cocaine. Now these are currently just allegations that have yet to be proved but given his rather stormy and erratic tenure as mayor it might explain a lot. Makes me wonder if the appeals court that overturned the decision stripping him of office for breaking the law earlier will end up regretting that decision.

Damn Toronto you managed to get a mayor who looks even crazier than Mel "I can't visit Kenya as mayor, they'll stick me in a pot and eat me!" Lastman on his best days. What is your secret? :-)

Oh well, where's the Mounties when you need them?*

*The Royal Canadian Mounted Police likely wouldn't have jurisdiction over this. Both Toronto and Ontario have their own police forces to handle local and provincial police issues. The Mounties are here, just handling federal items instead of also providing the usual day to day policing like they do everywhere else in Canada (except Quebec, Ontario, and Newfoundland & Labrador).
snowywolfowl: (gecko)
First I'm thankful that no one was killed by that meteor today in Russia because that would have made a very cool science story almost unbearably tragic. Luckily this meteor was so well sized it was like Weight Watchers for news junkies. I can watch as many videos of the destruction as I want without anymore guilt than usual.

Secondly I'm glad that this particular meteor happened to explode over a Russian city long after the Cold War has ended, simply because having an ICBM dropped onto my city while I sleep would be a really crappy way to start the day.*

Thirdly I am thankful for police corruption because without all those dashcams aimed at recording car accidents and interactions with the police none of that amazing footage would have been captured. So remember, the next time any of you are arrested for video taping excessive use of force remember this, you are not taping the police, you're just waiting for the meteor to drop in.

And lastly I'm thankful for living to see something so amazing from space. Here's hoping it inspires us to look up and actually step back into the cosmos above. If not from curiousity then at least from equally worthy motivations like greed and self-preservation.

Stay good everyone, and keep looking up! :-)

*In elementary school I once told a teacher I figured we'd get hit with between 2-4 large hydrogen bombs just so the Soviets could be sure they got all the important stuff here. Definitely overkill but isn't that what nuclear warfare is all about?


snowywolfowl: (Default)

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